When you and your spouse have different senses of humor

Terry and I have many things in common, but we also differ in enough ways to make life interesting.

Take, for example, what each of us finds funny. Again, there is some overlap, but overall, our individual senses of humor are markedly different.

WHAT MAKES ME LAUGH: British comedy, the Airplane! move series, standup comedians who make you work a little to get the joke, puns, and the broad genre of dad jokes.

WHAT MAKES TERRY LAUGH: Any time I hit my head on something.

As far as I can tell, nothing in this world is funnier to my wife than when I experience some sort of misfortune, particularly physical misfortune that results in near-injury.

She will tell you it's not so much the actual act of me, say, bumping my skull on something, but rather the way I react to it.

All I know is there is an undeniable link between my pain and her amusement.

If we could somehow find a movie that combines Monty Python-style humor with a man randomly popping up and whacking me over the head with a stick, it would be the perfect date night for us.

One soldier's life, maybe not so forgotten

 

The gravestone on the left is that of Merwin Brewer. He is buried in a civilian cemetery in Buckinghamshire, UK.

(NOTE: This post has appeared more often than any other in the history of this blog. It originally ran on Memorial Day 2012, then again on Memorial Day 2015, and yet again on Memorial Day 2021. I also included it in my book "5 Kids, 1 Wife" because it is among my favorite things I've written. Merwin Brewer is still in my thoughts each year on the last Monday in May.)

Every Memorial Day, I think of Merwin Brewer.

There probably aren't many people who think of Merwin Brewer on Memorial Day anymore, or any other day, for that matter. He has been dead for a century.

Merwin Brewer was an American soldier who died on the Western Front at the tail end of World War I. His official address was listed as Cleveland, Ohio, but he was born in my hometown of Wickliffe, Ohio. Our local American Legion post is partially named after him (Brewer-Tarasco).

The annual Memorial Day parade is a big deal here in Wickliffe. It's one of the better parades around, with the high school marching band, lots of candy, and 40 minutes or so of entertainment for anyone willing to stand and watch the whole thing.

The American Legion used to have a group of local kids walk in the parade carrying signs with the names of Wickliffe natives who have died in war. At the front of this group was always a young person holding a sign emblazoned with Merwin Brewer's name.

The 30 seconds or so it took for that sign to pass by was the only time the Memorial Day parade turned truly somber for me. This is partly because, as I've mentioned before, I have a morbid fascination with the First World War and the way millions of young men were killed during it. No war is good, but this one was particularly tragic.

According to this site, Merwin Brewer died on November 13, 1918, from wounds. That was two days after the war in Europe had ended. No one wants to be the last man killed in a war that’s already over, but Merwin was one of those who fell just short of making it through alive.

Merwin served in the Argonne and in Flanders, both the scenes of brutal, bloody fighting. I often wonder exactly how he died. It was quite possibly from a shrapnel wound. Artillery was the #1 killer in the war, and countless soldiers succumbed to infections and internal injuries suffered when they were hit by flying hunks of metal from exploding artillery shells.

His story doesn't sound particularly distinctive. His life ended the same way millions of others ended, probably in some military hospital. But Merwin Brewer is as real to me as any one of my family and friends, because he was born in the same place I was born. He was a real person whose death, now long forgotten, probably brought unimaginable grief and sorrow to his family back in Ohio.

He was only 22 years old. Just a baby. "Virgins with rifles," that's what Sting called the soldiers of the First World War.

I'm as guilty as anyone of treating Memorial Day as a festive day off from work instead of a time for reflection. But while I'm eating my grilled hamburger later today or lounging outside with my family, I promise I'll spend at least another couple of minutes thinking about Merwin Brewer.

It seems like the least I can do.

Guys, here are three reasons you should just listen to what your wife says

It's time for our monthly Blog Rerun. This post was originally published 10 years ago on May 22, 2015. I still find it to be true.

I've been married for nearly 23 years (EDITOR'S NOTE: That was in 2015. It's now nearly 33 years.) Not as long as many people I know, but longer than some. I'm occasionally asked how Terry and I make it work, and when it's a guy/husband doing the asking, I always tell him one thing:

It's largely because I just do what Terry tells me to do.

Seriously. 98% of the time, if she says something, I pretty much follow her lead. And it works.

Here's why:

1. She's smart: I'm not saying your wife is necessarily smarter than you, though my experience suggests she probably is. Regardless, if your wife is like mine, she's pretty sharp and will very rarely steer you wrong.
   
   
2. She has thought this through: Chances are, whatever big decision you're considering or whatever task you're facing, your wife has given this far more thought than you have. This isn't universal, of course, and many guys I know are very thoughtful in their decision-making. But by and large, my wife spends more time thinking about important issues than I do, from how we raise our children to whether or not we should move to Florida. So in most cases, her argument is more well-reasoned then mine, seeing as how I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about hockey and apples. In cases where hockey and/or apples are important elements of the issue at hand, she allows me to make the final call. In all other instances, I defer to her.
   
   
3. There's less effort involved on your part: Maybe this just applies to me, but I'm generally looking for the path of least resistance. And given items #1 and #2 above, I think you'll agree that your wife's judgment is likely to be sound. Therefore, you don't need to go down the path upon which she has already trodden. Go along with whatever she says and you have that much more time and energy to dwell upon your own personal version of hockey and apples, whatever it might be.

I am now vaccinated against yellow fever and never thought I would have to say that

Very soon, I'll be headed to Brazil with my wife, my oldest daughter, and my youngest son. We're looking forward to nearly a week in sunny Rio de Janeiro, home of the world-famous Christ the Redeemer statue as well as, apparently, various exotic tropical diseases.

Well, to be fair, there's really only one main disease they warn you about, and that's yellow fever. And even that is more of a thing if you venture into rural areas, rather than Rio itself.

Still, if you're going to Brazil, the U.S. Department of State and the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) make it pretty clear that you should consider being vaccinated against yellow fever.

Both entities take a decidedly passive-aggressive approach to this warning. Read what each has to say about traveling to Brazil and you walk away with a message along the lines of, "Look, you don't have to get the yellow fever vaccination, but if it were me..."

So we got it. All four of us.

Let me say two things about that:

• We had the vaccine administered at a place in Willoughby Hills, Ohio, very near our home. I found it on a list of approved yellow fever vaccination sites, but it was only after Elissa went that we learned it's less of a medical clinic and more of a beauty/wellness center that also happens to stock some vaccines. This was somewhat disconcerting.
  
  
• Guess how much the yellow fever vaccine costs. Go ahead, just take a guess...If you said $400, you were correct. Now guess whether anyone's insurance actually covers this cost. I will give you only one hint, which is that the answer is not, as I had hoped, "yes."
  

To that second point, the vaccination was just one of many unexpected costs and hassles we incurred getting ready for this trip.

Another was the Brazilian tourist visa, something that only just became a thing last month. If we had taken this trip in say, January, we would not have had to worry about it. But now travelers to Brazil have to apply for a visa.

The visa itself is $80 per person which, eh, isn't so bad, I guess. But the Brazilian government's frustratingly exacting standards when it comes to uploading your passport bio page, submitting a precisely edited and cropped head shot, and answering questions written by someone who likely did well in English classes at school but still lacks that real-world touch when it comes to getting across their true meaning, made the whole process more difficult than it should have been.

One good thing in all of this is that our travel itinerary and reservations were completed early on by Elissa, our oldest child and top-notch travel planner. At least that part of it hasn't been difficult.

What could be difficult, though, is getting back from this trip in one piece, given the list of other diseases besides yellow fever the State Department says can sometimes be found in Brazil. Those include chagas, chikungunya, dengue, zika, leishmaniasis, rabies, tuberculosis, schistosomiasis, and the always-festive traveler's diarrhea.

Why didn't they just throw cholera. diphtheria, beriberi, rickets and the vapors in there to complete the cavalcade of 19th-century maladies we could theoretically contract?

Despite all of that, though, I'm very excited to go. It's going to be like the Oregon Trail of international vacations.

Reading names for our school's commencement ceremony: The single most terrifying gig ever

This evening, the 102nd Wickliffe High/Upper School graduating class will walk across the stage and receive their diplomas.

It will be an occasion for celebration and reflection, as it always is.

I wouldn't normally attend this commencement, as all five of my kids have already graduated, but I'll be there tonight in a working capacity. I have the distinct honor and dread of being the person whose job it is to announce the graduates' names.

Look, I'm not shy when it comes to a microphone. I've announced hundreds of sporting events from the youth level to the minor leagues. I've done freelance MC work for corporate events. For some years I was the superintendent/MC for our church's annual Bible school. The announcing/hosting thing is what I do.

This is different. I always try to be perfect when I'm on the mic, but with a soccer game, for example, there's some leeway if you mess up a kid's name.

Not so with graduation. Each of those young people in the caps and gowns will have several friends and family members in attendance cheering them on and recording the moment on their phones for posterity.

The person who announces their name has one shot and one shot only to get it right. Botch it and the kid's parents will be stewing over the memory years later.

This is the first year I've taken on this assignment. Recently I talked it over with Ryan Beeler, the person who handled the reading of names at Wickliffe commencement for many years before me. Ryan is an articulate guy and an excellent teacher and football coach. He knows how to speak to large groups of people.

But when I brought up the fact that I was taking his place (as he is now teaching at another school) and asked him for any advice, the first thing he said was, "Oh man, I hated it."

He didn't hate commencement, of course. He hated the pressure of getting 100+ kids' names right at one of the most important moments of their lives.

I'm right there with you, Mr. B.

Still, I wasn't especially nervous about this until a month ago when I was talking with a soon-to-be Wickliffe graduate named John Colacarro. John is a funny, bright, highly accomplished kid who has achieved a lot in his high school career and will achieve a lot in whatever he chooses to do in life.

I casually mentioned that I would be reading names at commencement, and he jokingly told me, "Make sure you get mine right!"

I laughed. I've known Julie, one of John's moms, for decades. I was saying "Julie Colacarro" long before John was ever born.

Except I always said it the way most Wickliffe people said it: "col-uh-CARE-oh."

Turns out that's wrong. Dead wrong. John informed me it's actually pronounced "cola-CAR-oh." "Cola," as in the beverage, middle syllable "car" like the vehicle rather than "care."

I'm sorry, what? How did I never know that?

More to the point, he's one kid out of dozens whose names I'll be tasked with announcing. What other pronunciation traps await me tonight if I can't instinctively nail the one I thought I was most familiar with?

To be fair, I'll be attending commencement practice this morning, and I'll have the chance to ask each graduate personally how to say their names correctly.

But I won't lie: I'm already sweating this one out. No one will be more relieved tonight when the last kid gets his/her diploma and they all toss their caps into the air.

It will give me just enough time to run home and avoid the angry mob of families whose names I've butchered.

Q&A with the Wife - Let's hear from Terry

(NOTE: On Wednesday we wrapped up our five-part "Q&A with the Kids" series. Before returning to your regularly scheduled blog content next week, let's take a few minutes to pick the brain of Mrs. Terry Tennant, my wife of three-plus decades and an absolute whirlwind of love and service. You won't find many like her.)

What's your favorite thing about your husband?

For as long as I can remember, the deal has always been I make dinner and he cleans it up. I take that totally for granted until I hear other women say they do both and how much they hate it. He knows my love language is acts of service and has always tried to frame things around that like planning time with the kids for a Mother's Day yard clean-up, a birthday Lego party, or a whole-house clean-up from top to bottom. So, I guess the answer is he's always thinking of how he can make my life easier – even with fewer kids around to take up my time.

If you could change one thing about him, what would it be?

The very obvious answer to this is that he could fix things. It wasn't that big of a deal in the beginning, but now I'm tired of fixing things, painting things, etc. Fortunately, we're in a position where we can just pay someone to do things now. The underlying answer, though, would be that he wasn't so hard on himself to be perfect. He's pretty good at most things and he doesn't tend to see it that way.

That's Terry and me with jazz saxophonist Dave Koz.

On that note, how hard has it been over the years being married to someone with next to no mechanical ability?

It has its ups and downs. I mean, fortunately, I do have the ability to fix a lot of things, but I'm just getting tired of doing it. And the older I get, the more difficult it is. Probably the hardest part is that no matter how you try to explain something, there are many times where it just makes no sense to him and that can be difficult because it's completely clear to me.

Did you ever imagine you would have five kids? How did that happen?

No!  I do remember thinking 3-4, and then I vaguely remember Scott saying 4 or 5 and thinking, "What?" But then it happened and I wouldn't change it for anything because I really like #5.

That's Terry when she was a little kid, celebrating a birthday.

How do you like having an almost-empty nest? What do you miss most from the years when the kids lived at home?

It has its pros and cons. Pros would be the house is much cleaner, bills are a lot less, bathrooms are always open, more down time. Cons would be it's always quiet. I sometimes miss the noise and the big dinners around the kitchen table. The constant on-the-go is gone, which is sometimes good and sometimes bad. I miss the football games for the band and for Jared, the soccer games for the first four, the track meets and cross meets for Jack (and Melanie and Chloe). I also miss the parents we used to have in our lives. Some are still hanging on, but many just fell out of touch. I miss watching movies with the kids. From when they were little, I miss dance parties and wrestling tournaments and making cookies and doing crafts and constant snuggles and book reading and all that comes with kids in the 0-10 range.

What is the most exciting thing to you about becoming a grandma?

I am just excited to have a baby in the family again. One where I won't be tired all the time and I can just smother with love. I want to be the best Grammy I can be – making cookies, having sleepovers, playing on the floor and basically spoiling him the best I can!

Q&A with the Kids - Part V - Jack

NOTE: You always hear from me, so I thought it might be fun to hear from the kids for a change. Here's our latest Q&A With the Kids interview, this one with my 19-year-old son Jack. He's the last one still living at home with us, and I love the chance to talk with him every day. He continues to impress me and make me laugh.

What was the best thing about growing up in a big family?

The best thing about growing up in a big family (specifically being the youngest growing up in a big family) is that you get to see everything. Even if I don't remember it all that well, I've watched all of my siblings slowly but surely move out, dozens of parties being thrown (whether birthdays, anniversaries, or concerts), and different collections of my siblings' friends over the years. And though it IS sad to be the last one to do everything, with not as many people watching, I'm really, really appreciative to have had people to watch and learn from over the years.

What things didn't you like about it?

Splitting up all of the attention among five kids is hard, like REEEALLY hard. And it made it so that until around high school, I didn't really get as much time as I could have with Mom and Dad. Although I have been VERY spoiled at home ever since I became an "only child" around 2021. They say you spend 90% of your time with your parents before 18, so it's somewhat unfortunate. But one thing it did teach me is independence and being able to thrive on my own. And I'm grateful for that.

What are your favorite memories of things we did as a family?

To name a few, going to Red Robin for everyone's birthdays, getting our trees at Christmas (when we got real ones), hanging out around our firepit, and ALL of the family dinners.

What is something you wish you could have done or had growing up, but you couldn't because you had four siblings?

For me personally, there wasn't really anything wrong with growing up with four siblings. I truly believe I had a really great childhood and I can definitely attribute that to Mom and Dad. Anyways, a pool and a trampoline.

Do you want kids of your own? Why or why not?

Yes, definitely. Once again, it can probably be attributed to me being the youngest and not having to experience the terror of having five small kids in your home. But I can definitely say that being in a big family has made me want at the very least a medium-sized family. Up to the wife, though, to be fair.

What was your favorite thing Mom used to make for dinner? Do you ever make it for yourself?

Chicken marsala. I've never, ever had any chicken marsala like Mom's. I believe I've helped her make it once, haha. But you better believe I'm gonna be making that recipe WEEKLY when I'm moved out.