10 more random thoughts on a Friday

(1) My daughter is getting ready to send out graduation announcements. What is the function of the graduation announcement? I'll tell you what it is. It's a subtle way of telling people, "Pssssst! Hey! I won't say no if you choose to send me a graduation gift. I prefer check or money order."

(2) My wife is a genius when it comes to "Dancing With the Stars." (Yes, I do occasionally watch "Dancing With the Stars." Sue me.) A couple will perform, and even before the judges give their post-dance comments, she'll say something like, "Oh, that's going to be two 8's and a 9." And sure enough, at least three-quarters of the time when the judges reveal their scores, she'll be right on. I don't understand how someone can be so deeply connected with the DWTS judges...or would even want to be.

(3) I have not used a wash cloth in the shower since...forever. I have never used a washcloth in the shower. Am I supposed to? Do most adults use them? I always thought my hands, tiny as they are, were sufficient.

(4) I understand that society expects older women to have shorter hair. I just don't understand why.

(5) Hanes makes these t-shirts they call "Beefy T's." This absolutely cracks me up. I guess it's the use of the word "beefy." I have no desire to be described as "beefy," nor do I think my t-shirts need to fit that designation.

(6) Place I Want to Visit That No One From the U.S. Ever Travels To: Finland

(7) Mundane Everyday Activity That I Enjoy Far More Than Is Normal: Flossing

(8) Since the kids were little, I've done this thing where I try to get them to put their hands on the kitchen table so I can pound them (their hands, not any other part of the kids themselves). Now that they're older, it's getting harder and harder to trick them into putting their hand on the table. But I can usually get Jared to do it. I'll rub a spot on the table and say something like, "Feel this. It's like somebody spilled glue here." And then he'll rub it and I'll pound his hand and say, "What have I taught you? NEVER put your hand on the table!" These sorts of pointless memories are exactly what dads are for, you understand.

(9) I enjoy the little show my auto mechanic and I put on every time one of my cars needs fixing. He'll take a look at it, figure out the problem, and then explain it to me in very masculine terms. Many times I'll actually understand what he's talking about. But most of the time, not so much. Yet I continue to listen intently to his explanation and nod thoughtfully, even though I quickly realize I have no idea what he's saying, and he clearly knows I have no idea what he's saying. He does it simply to preserve my Manly Pride, and I admire him greatly for it.

(10) No matter how old I get, Hogan's Heroes will always be funny. Always.