If my children want to make me happy, here's what they'll do...

(1) Stop leaving lights on in unoccupied rooms
If you leave a room and there's no other person left in that room, and if the light is on, turn the light off. Off. Turn the light off. Just turn the light off. Don't leave the light on. Turn it off. On = bad. Off = good. Is this clear? You're shooting for the light being in the "off" position here. That's what I'm trying to get across. If you leave the room, and you're the last person in the room, the light should be off when you leave. Not on. Off.

(2) Be respectful to your mother
Most of the time you do this. Sometimes you do not. It makes me extremely angry when you are not. If you want to talk disrespectfully to me, then you and I will have a conversation that will result in you changing your attitude. But if you're disrespectful to your mother, then you and I are likely to have a physical altercation that will also result in you changing your attitude. And a possible trip to the emergency room.

(3) Don't spill anything on the kitchen floor I just washed
I always want you to be careful not to spill anything on the floor, but you need to be extra careful in the 24 hours after I wash the floor. I work very hard on the floor. I like it to be nice and white and clean. At least for a little while. I understand that eventually it will get dirty. But please, not in the day following a floor washing. Please. Keep your juice, popcorn, and/or crumb-producing foods away from my nice floor, OK? OK.

(4) Don't lie
You will be in trouble if you break the rules. You will be in Level 1 Trouble if you also lie about it. Most of the time (I would say 85%), we know when you're lying. And your mother especially knows when you're lying. It's scary. Like she has some superhuman sense for untruths. Don't cross her. I'm telling you, don't cross her.

(5) Give me a hug
I don't care if you're a male child of mine. And specifically if you're a nearly-6-foot-1-inch male child of mine. I like when you just come up and hug me. Continue doing this. Always. Your father will be greatly appreciative.