Here's what I use social media for

FACEBOOK: Posting incoherent thoughts and occasional pictures of my cats. And news of family deaths, I guess. Oh, and also bragging any time my kids manage to do something that can be construed as the least bit positive, which includes going entire days without burning down the house or destroying any of our personal property.

TWITTER: Reading and favoriting uninteresting tweets from professional athletes and the journalists who cover them. And sending out links to these blog posts for the three or four of my Twitter followers who care.

INSTAGRAM: Posting highly edited pictures of smoothies.

LINKEDIN: This is basically Facebook for Professional People in that you spend most of your time bragging about yourself. This would work well for me if my greatest accomplishment was something other than appearing on two game shows and was relevant to my job and my worth to potential employers. So while I have a lot of connections and my profile is pretty good, my use of LinkedIn is minimal.

PINTEREST: I don't use Pinterest because I am a man. This is generalizing, I realize, and I'm sure someone has a Pinterest board of "Photos of Daddy Bloggers Who Make Sexist Comments." But according to one online report I read that I'm choosing to believe, 80% of Pinterest users are women, and 90% of all "pins" are created or shared by women. And I don't know exactly what that last part even means.

TUMBLR: Honestly? I'm not sure what Tumblr is. It's apparently a "blogging platform," but it's inhabited by people who are, in essence, not me. So I ignore it.

REDDIT: See "Tumblr."

GOOGLE PLUS: HAHAHAHAH! No, seriously, what's next?

GOOGLE PLUS: Oh, you were serious. Well, I'm ON Google Plus, at least in the sense that I have an account there. Beyond that, though, I have no idea what it does, nor whether it's even real. Its existence could be an elaborate hoax and I'm one of millions of victims.

FLICKR: Looking at pictures of myself from 2005.

VINE: Wasting my life away, six seconds at a time.