Monday, March 30, 2015

I would have been fine with a house full of daughters, but sons are nice, too

My wife birthed five babies, and we didn't find out the gender of any of them before they were born.

Let me say three things about that:

(1) Just because we did it that way doesn't I mean I think anyone else has to do it that way. It was our choice for us. Your choice may be different, which is totally fine. Why do some people feel that their way is always The Right Way and that everyone must follow their lead? Or, conversely, that if someone makes a choice different from theirs, that's automatically a threat or a challenge to them? Seriously, this irritates me. In most cases for most things, it's OK that we can make different choices and co-exist. There doesn't have to be a "right" and a "wrong." Can we all agree on that?

(2) As I've often acknowledged, my gender guess was wrong every single time. I went 0 for 5 in my kid gender predictions, which is just staggering to me. That's like flipping a coin five times and  not calling it correctly even once. It's not impossible, I realize, and may be even more probable than I think, but still...how did I not get it right just one time?

(3) We had two girls before we had our first boy, and while I love my sons, I would have been fine with a house full of daughters.

It turns out that having sons is great and I love it, but by Baby #3, I was comfortable with all aspects of having daughters. Well, "all aspects" meaning those things pertaining to having daughters ages 4 and almost 2, which is how old Elissa and Chloe were when Jared was born. They're relatively uncomplicated at that age and I felt I had reached a certain level of understanding with them.

For example, I could change a girl's diaper in seconds. I had a pattern down. A system, if you will. Then suddenly God threw a boy into the mix and...wow. My wipey technique had to change drastically.

You can count on one hand the number of places on a baby girl where poop is likely to be found. But a boy? Suddenly there were folds on top of folds, and my Boy Diaper Changing Time ended up being roughly double what my Girl Diaper Changing Time was. It was traumatic at first.

Then there were girl clothes and hair ribbons and stuff. I learned how they all worked, and by the third kid I was pretty confident with them. Then along comes a male child and I had a whole set of new stuff to learn. It wasn't hard, but again, it took me out of my Kid Comfort Zone.

I also liked the idea that, when the girls became teenagers, I could refer them to their mother for all questions that might be characterized as tricky, hair-raising, or feminine hygiene-related. But with boys, I was suddenly going to be the one with the answers. That was alarming.

In the end, I love having kids of both sexes. It gives you a whole new perspective on people, personalities and parenting. And it contributes greatly to what is already a fairly high level of chaos in my house, which I honestly wouldn't trade for anything.

But had God decided to bless me with five daughters, you would not hear me complaining. Daughters are, broadly speaking, funny, considerate, loving and just a delight to have around the house. I love being a father of girls.

Boys, however, also have their advantages. Again, speaking very generally here and no doubt stereotyping, boys tend to be less emotional, less dramatic, and more apt to talk about sports. A lot of girls are like that, too, but again, I'm generalizing. And there's something to be said for having that element in your life when you're a dad.

In the end, we all accept whatever nature gives us in terms of kid gender, but I think it's better if we accept it willingly, with a smile on our collective parenting faces. You may want that first kid to be a certain sex, but it's going to be what it's going to be and you're charged with raising it no matter what, so just roll with it, baby.

Also, you first-time parents should feel free to see me if you want a diaper-changing lesson. After three girls, two boys and thousands of diapers, I'm telling you, I'm a virtuoso.

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