My wife says I should hang out with man friends

So here's the deal: Terry feels it's very important that I should get some guy friends and go out occasionally with them to do...I don't know, guy stuff, I guess?

There are several problems with this suggestion.

One is that I have almost no time for something like that. I work, of course. And when I'm home, I'm almost always engaging with Terry or the kids, getting ready for the next work day, doing church stuff, or trying to squeeze in six hours of sleep.

Thus, I don't have a lot of free time. Or at least I'm pretty sure I don't.

Then there's this: I don't necessarily want to go out. This in no way reflects poorly on my lifelong male friends, some of whom live far away and others of whom are just as busy as I am. I just have no burning desire to hang out with people with whom I don't even necessarily share interests and common traits beyond mutual possession of testicles.

Plus, what am I going to do with these guy friends? It would have to be something sports-related. The vast majority of guys are either sports guys, car/tool guys, or outdoor/hunting guys. The only bucket into which I fit comfortably is sports guy.

And honestly? That's why I have my son, Jared. He's my sports guy friend. We go to games together. We talk about sports stuff. We fret over the fact that we've chosen to support perennially terrible Cleveland sports teams. This is what bonds us, and frankly, he fulfills all of my requirements for Sports Guy Time. I don't need anybody else.

Terry occasionally goes out with female friends, and that's great. Knock yourself out, hon. She has a wonderful time, and so I think she believes that I would have an equally wonderful time if I were to do the same kinds of things with my own gender.

But it's not the same. If I want to go out and have a beer, I'd most like to do it with her. If I want dinner and a movie, again, she's #1 on the list of potential partners. Or if not her, then one or more of my children.

The one thing working against my strategy here is the fact that a key to longevity, according to many of the interviews you read with people who live to the age of 100, is apparently social connectedness. You tend to be happier and healthier if you maintain an active social network. And presumably, since it would just be weird for me to have regular outings with women who aren't Terry, that social network of mine would have to be predominately male.

All of which means that I'm apparently going to die sometime in the next 15 years if I don't start actively recruiting for Y-chromosomed companionship. For the sake of my health, I'll allow a few male friends to come over occasionally. Just don't talk to me about cars. Or tools. Or hunting. In fact, just don't talk at all. You'll only be here so that I can live longer.

What a great friend I'll be!