You're only as happy as you want to be, and I'll admit I hate that

There's a quote you've probably heard, usually falsely attributed to Abraham Lincoln, that says "most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Whoever originally said it, boy, there's a whole bucketful of truth to that, isn't there?

Yes, there are external forces in your life, things beyond your control, that affect you. Those things have always been there, and they always will be there.

What many a life coach will tell you, though, is that you can control how they affect you. If you choose to let them affect you negatively, they will affect you negatively. And if you choose to just roll with it, take the punch, and move on in a more or less positive manner, they will probably affect you positively in the long run.

And man, I hate that.

I want to be able to point to this, this, this and this, and say, "I would love to be happy, but look at all of these things that are wrong in my life. I can't be happy as long as all of that is going on."

But I can't do that with a clear conscience because I have finally learned, in 47+ years on this planet, that you absolutely choose your outlook. Happy people are happy because they choose to be happy.

Which is fine, except it takes real work to be happy. And that's where the inherently lazy part of me that doesn't particularly like trying hard at anything rebels.

Happy people are happy not only because they choose to be happy, but also because they choose to work at being happy. Every day.

You don't have to be a Pollyanna and ignore all of the ugly things in life. By all means, acknowledge them. Deal with them. They're there whether you and I like it or not.

But you do have to make the active choice to be mostly contented with your existence. You cannot be someone who constantly laments their lot in life and be a generally happy person at the same time.

Feel sorry for yourself if you want, but it's a miserable friggin' way to live, let me tell you.

Because here's the thing: Unless you believe in reincarnation (which I do not), then you must acknowledge that you get one shot at life. One shot, that's it. How you choose to use that shot is entirely up to you.

If you choose always to wait for things to get better someday and then you'll be happy, you won't be happy.

You won't. There's no maybe about it. You won't be happy. Why? Because you have full control over what "things getting better" means to you. And maybe it's time for you to reconsider your personal definition.

It cannot and should not mean that you're waiting for all things to be aligned and perfect, or even near perfect. You and I both know that only leaves you waiting for a bus that will never come.

Again, there are three key facts of life that you have to accept if you want to be a happy person:

• I can control my happiness (or lack thereof).
• There will always, always, always be "bad things" in my life. This has always been, is now, and always will be. There is no changing this. "Bad things" will happen. I cannot alter this essential tenet of human existence.
• I must choose to be happy anyway.

I don't know how else to say any of that. I don't know how to couch it in a way that doesn't require you to make the mental and emotional effort every day. It's just what you have to do. Suck it way up, buttercup, cuz that's how this whole thing has played out since the dawn of human existence.

God sets the rules, and He always gives you a choice.

This effort does not come naturally to me, by the way, yet lately I've been making it. And I'm genuinely a happier person. I feel less tired, less bogged down by my daily obligations, less overwhelmed by the challenges of moment-to-moment existence.

I'm still learning, but already I see a world of difference in myself. All because of a simple daily choice.

I felt the need to share this with you because, if you're like a lot of people I know, this realization (simple to understand, more difficult to execute) can be life changing.

Happiness isn't a confluence of fortunate external circumstances. Much like love, it's a personal choice to be happy. A choice that must be consciously made each and every day.

So make it.