How much you push your kids to participate in extracurriculars vs. how much you back off

I am of the mind that we should all live life with no regrets. And so far it has served me well. I can't imagine I would change much of anything when it comes to how I've lived my first 51 years.

That is not, however, a blanket statement. There are a few things I wish I had done while I was still in school:

• I wish I would have taken more seriously the job of being an officer for both my class and for National Honor Society. I did relatively little work in either position (though, in my defense, the class president Jodi and I end up organizing reunion get-togethers every five years, so I feel like that's my penance).
  
  
• I wish I would have actually put real effort into losing weight after football my junior and senior years. I really, really should have been a 21-foot long jumper.
  
  
• I wish I would have learned to ask for help earlier in my academic career. It took until 11th grade or so before I started doing that. Could have saved myself a lot of trouble, and I wouldn't have had to take algebra twice.

Which brings me to the subject of my kids. They have all been fairly involved in school as class officers, athletes, band members, etc. For the most part, they made the most of their time in high school and college.

But there are times, like with 15-year-old Jack, that I really think they're going to regret not having done something at which I know they would be good. I see 20 years in the future when this realization dawns on them and they end up with a bullet-point list like the one above, but they of course cannot see that. They don't yet have the benefit of years and the perspective that gives you.

Most of the time, it's not so much about the activity itself, but the skills and discipline you learn that can be applied later in life.

Melanie sometimes asks us why we didn't sign her up to play softball when she was young. We tell her she didn't seem the least bit interested, but should we have? A lot of her friends played softball through high school and I think she feels she missed out on having that extra bond with them.

Putting your kid needlessly through an activity they hate seems counterproductive, but then so does watching them waste natural talent and ability, too.

Five kids later, I'm still not sure what the answer is.