Having your own book signing sounds great until you start overthinking it

On Monday, November 6, at 7pm, the good folks at the Wickliffe Public Library are allowing me to do what they call an "author visit," which really just means that a small group of people will gather to hear me talk for a few minutes about my book, and then I can sell and sign copies of it.

This is presumably because real authors like Stephen King and Danielle Steel are not available that evening.

Just as I always wanted to publish a book, I've also always wanted to do a book signing. I love the idea of sitting at a table with people walking up and making small talk while I scratch out some small greeting and my signature on the title page of the book for them.

But now, with it actually happening in less than a month, I can only think about the things that could go wrong:

• What if nobody shows up? This is a very real possibility. I am neither Mr. King nor Ms. Steele. I am in no way some big name that people will want to come and see. I'm just a local dope who managed to get a book into print for the first time and is now trying to sell a few copies. (Earlier this year, an author named Suzanne Young tweeted about the experience of having a book signing to which no showed up.)
  
  
• What am I going to say to the few folks who do come? What witty and charming things can I come up with to make the book sound entertaining enough for them to part with $16 and buy a copy?
  
  
• I have terrible handwriting. What am I going to sign that will not make people walk away wondering, "Wait, why does that person who writes like a 3rd-grader look 53 years old?"

My wife Terry used to work at the Wickliffe Library and still fills in at the circulation desk from time to time. When I told her I had scheduled an author visit there, her response was not exactly encouraging:

"Oh, there's nothing sadder than watching those people sitting at a table with their books and no one is there to see them."

She is my light and my inspiration.

On the plus side, having lived in Wickliffe my entire life, I know a lot of people. Good, caring people. The kind of people who, despite having no interest in your book at all, will show up for an author visit just to ensure the chairs are filled and a few copies are purchased.

I am counting on these people to save me from having my own personal Spinal Tap moment.

In the meantime, I need to work on my grade-school cursive.