Most men will probably score higher than me on the Real Guy Test

The AI Blog Post Image Generator spit this out when I prompted it with "manly man." I feel like it's really hitting its stride these days!

Some years ago (12, if we're being exact), I wrote a post on this blog in which I described the Real Guy Test. This is a simple three-question quiz I created to help a man determine exactly how much of a Real Guy he is.

The three questions are these:

(1) Without asking someone else or looking it up, do you know exactly what a joist is? ("Close enough" doesn't count. You have to really know what a joist is and what it does.)

(2) Do you have, have you ever had, or do you at least have an intense desire to own a motorcycle?

(3) Do you refer to your friends as "buddies?" (i.e., "A buddy of mine runs one of those generators on the back of his truck.")

I freely admit, even as the person who came up with the Real Guy Test, that my answer to each of these questions is an emphatic "no." There is no semblance of Real Guyness within me.

When I came up with the test in 2012, it included this scoring key:

• 3 "yes" responses = If you and I get into a fight, even if I outweigh you by 50 pounds, you will beat me to a pulp.
  
  
• 2 "yes" responses = You're solidly manly and should feel confident in your male-itude.
  
  
• 1 "yes" response = There's hope for you, but you're not going to be voted Guy of the Year any time soon.
  
  
• 0 "yes" responses (my score) = What time are you coming over so we can watch "The Notebook" together?
  

If you score 0 like me, it is possible to improve over time on the motorcycle and buddies questions. You can develop a desire for a bike, and you can pick up the habit of calling your friends "buddies" in a genuine, non-ironic way.

But the joist question is a one-time only deal. You either know it the first time you take the test and get credit for a point, or you don't. You can't look it up and then later claim it as proof of your manliness. Once a 0 or a 1, always a 0 or a 1 when it comes to that question.

Even still, my score has not budged in the decade-plus since I devised the quiz. I am still a 0 and will remain a 0 for the rest of my days. I don't want a motorcycle, I still have only "friends," and even having read up extensively on joists, my explanation of their function is still somewhat shaky.

I could boost my own ego by adding a fourth question along the lines of "Do you own a light purple t-shirt with the name of French composer Claude Debussy on it?", to which my response is a proud "Yes!"

But somehow I feel that one doesn't fit with the other questions.